This is a normal part of the recovery process so don’t worry to much when it happens. And definitely don’t lose your temper and throw them out or insult the addict. Let me explain what is going on with the body and their mind.
You have to understand when a person uses drugs it stimulates the brain to make chemicals that it already does naturally. Chemicals like dopamine. Dopamine is called the reward chemical because it makes you feel good. Your body will naturally produce more dopamine during activities like sex, eating your favorite food or anything you enjoy that is the happy feeling you get.
When you use drugs, it floods the receptors of the brain that process the dopamine making the drug user feel, well "high". The problem is over time the body slows down the dopamine production it has to much. The brain thinks it is over producing the chemical. So when the drug user stops, their brain is not naturally making the chemicals they need for happiness. So no matter what you do, cook their favorite food, play their favorite movie or even try to have sex with them, they will have little interest in it when they are in withdrawal
Some drugs are worse than others, and the addict can actually die from it. Long term alcoholism, heroin abuse or prescription pain pills can actually kill someone if they stop cold turkey. These problems if at all possible should be medically supervised during the withdrawal process for the first few days. No matter the substance, if they refuse or can not be put into treatment you should check on them constantly the first few days. Just be careful not to wake them or it will be like waking a dragon.
So since their brain has no dopamine it will crave it. To a level people who have never had an addiction will never understand. They will feel anxious, the worst anxiety you could ever feel. They may be short of breath or sweat. The brain will even try to trick the addict so they will use.
For example, a suffered from a problem with pain pills I developed after a back injury. When I would try to quit I would be in excruciating pain. What I learned was these are called phantom pains. The brain is telling you that you are in pain so it can get the drug. I eventually stopped taking the pain pills with the help of the prescription drug Suboxone which is amazing. It almost completely took away any desire for the pills. I will write a separate post on Suboxone later. But once I got past the initial part of withdrawal, I found my back did not hurt as bad as I did during the withdrawal It still hurts, a lot. And I still take medication for it occasionally when it gets really bad. But no matter how bad the pain I wont take it more than 3 days a week because I am well aware what will happen if I don’t Usually I take a pill about once a week, sometime every other week.
Regardless of the drug the addict wants it. And they have no feelings of happiness. Only depression and embarrassment sinking in about what they have done with their life. A feeling of hopelessness that they will never meet their potential. This is where it gets hard. They will fly off the handle for no reason. My theory is this is a drug seeking behavior. They want you to get mad so they can blame you for what is about to happen. If you lose your temper and begin insulting them, or kicking them out they will leave I guarantee you. And where do you think they will go? Right to the dealers house to get high and the entire process starts over again.
Your job is to just listen to them. If you must shame them, shame them with love. No matter how irrational they become, tell them you love them and will help them no matter what. Do not bring up the turmoil they have caused or the burden they have been. This will only make the feelings of hopelessness worse, and that in turn will make them rationalize using again. If they think they have failed at life, they will justify drug use because it doesn’t matter what they do, they are worthless.
An addict will look for any excuse, even if it is feeling sorry for themselves to use. A very common excuse is they need to complete some required task, go to some event and they can't do it feeling the way they do. Make sure you handle as much as you can and clear their schedule for the first few days. Do not burden them with any gossip or problems during this time. Let them focus on their recovery. If they have kids, let the kids see the parent, but try to keep them away as much as possible from the addict so they don’t feel the obligation of having to get up and care for the kids. But if they want to see them under no circumstances should you keep the kids away unless you feel it is dangerous to the kids. Nothing will boost an addicts desire to stay clean like the love of a child.
The first few days are the hardest. If you are lucky they will sleep most of the time. Make sure you have food and candy on hand. Sweets help to stimulate dopamine, even if it isn’t much it will help. Anything you can do to keep them as comfortable as possible. If you have to turn on the AC or heater so they are comfortable. While most people want a completely cold turkey approach I am a big fan of anti anxiety medication like xaxax or sleeping pills, but only the first few days so they don’t get addicted to something else.
For me the anxiety I would feel was the worst part. I actually ended up in the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. And I know others who had the same thing happen. Xaxax helps to calm down the violent outbursts and it helps with sleep since a lot of people having withdrawals have bouts with insomnia.
The first three to five days will be absolutely horrible around your house. The next two weeks to a month will still be miserable. But their is light at the end of the tunnel. As they get better and feel guilty, they will be better than the person you remember as they try to make up for lost time.
I highly recommend taking an anti depressant during recovery. I am not a fan of anti depressants because I know first hand the withdrawals from them are worse than any street drug. So talk to your doctor about how to taper off of them when the time comes. But the depression can be overwhelming for an addict and can easily lead to relapse. I have personally spent months in bed sleeping after getting clean, not realizing it was a major bout of depression I was suffering from.
It wont be easy I promise you. It will test your patience and love. But the reward will be having the person you love so much, that you came to me for advice, back in your life. I think it will be more than worth the effort.
Any questions you might have please leave me a comment. I am hear to help. I don’t have all the answers, but I have a lot of experience that I speak from. And unlike a lot of people I'm not doing this to sell you something, I just want to help. And if I make some money from advertisers on this site, I wont complain.
Just remember you are not alone. And even if it doesn’t feel like it people do want to help.
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